A great many believers are good people who don't really think about god or religion all that frequently. They may occasionally pray or think about their dead loved ones, but you won't catch them on the internet hammering their ideology into someone's skull, or telling someone that they're going to hell. In fact, many believers may be inclined to befriend gays or atheists without ever being threatened by their presence or opposing viewpoints. They may know what the bible says, but instead of seeing a dire ultimatum they take it all to mean "be excellent to each other, dude." This is fine and dandy from my perspective, but I am still quite curious about what holds these people to their beliefs, even when they are not particularly strong ones. Through my not-so-scientific observation I have determined that it could be as simple as... it is just comforting to think that there is a loving god and an afterlife where you get to meet all your dead friends.
Indeed, many aspects of belief are focused around comfort. A Catholic friend of mine tells me she prays, not to change the outcome (this she knows is all chance), but to ease her mind. For many, the idea that a supreme being watches over them is enough to get them through lonely times. My girlfriend tells me that she is inclined to believe because the idea that there is nothing after life is unsettling. "So you die and... that's it?" That's right, baby. This life is all you've got. And it is enough.
There was a time when I could not get myself to accept my mortality and the temporary status of my life. I felt awful that there was so much to learn about the world and that I would never get to see how it all turned out. Things like evolution are too interesting to view from just a single point in time. I wanted to see life as it appeared a million years from now. I envisioned my soul to be a disembodied intelligence that has been floating in space since the dawn of time until that fateful day in 1982 when it nested inside the body of a newborn infant. Then, as the body grew up, its consciousness allowed the soul to recognize itself. And now I think about that story and how fantastic and pleasing it is. How seductive it is to lose yourself to that incredible possibility. Somehow, I resisted and reminded myself to see life for how it really is. If my soul really was eternal, it did me no good, because it is quite obvious that I am starting this life from scratch. I have much to learn.
I began thinking a lot about death. I died a hundred times within my imagination. It was practice for the big game. At first, my discipline was shoddy. After my death, I would imagine my body lying there and my soul would release a lingering shout, a resistant call that faded as I realized that I could not go back. No, I would stop myself, that's not how it works. Do over. And so I would go, dying and simulating the experience until I was content that I was being as honest as I could be about the situation. My deaths went from wells of regret to abrupt interruptions of consciousness. I went from fear to acceptance. When I actually do die, my consciousness will fade and there will be no time to reflect on the shame, the regret, or the loss.
Like most thinking beings, I am not looking forward to an early death. I am also afraid of being mangled without dying. I try to avoid those situations all the same. But, when death does come with certainty, I can say that I would welcome it. There is nothing beyond the door to fear. I won't even know I'm beyond the door.
It occurred to me that the process I went through to become more honest with myself about the concept of death might help others who may cling to trivial beliefs simply because they are better than reality. While I cannot judge someone for holding a private belief for the purpose of feeling better about something, I wanted to offer the option of a reality that isn't so bad. In fact, I might argue that seeing death for what it is and being completely comfortable with it has the potential to enhance your life as you actually live it. Why assume you'll see your mother in the afterlife when you can call her up and talk to her now? Why live your life in fear when you can live knowing that you won't experience a second of regret when it is done? So many terrible things have been done in the name of an afterlife; don't let your life be another victim of the lie. This life is all you've got. And it is enough.
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