For the past 5 and a half months, I have been unemployed. It started out lame, but eventually became pretty cool. Unemployment insurance is nice like that. I suppose if someone liked their job and was fired from it, they would be more put off than I was. I hated my job and relished being fired. It took me a while, though, to finally start making use of all the free time that I suddenly had. This blog was one of the uses I found. I started a couple websites, went on a few trips, and even started working on a long-lost business plan that I was really passionate about.
Then, disaster struck.
I was offered a job. My old job, in fact. Yes, my old company hired me back into the job I hated. They got their revenge.
Now, I no longer have the free time I once had and all of my little projects are suffering (this one included). Yes, I am making money and no longer in fear of going completely broke (until they fire me again), but there is a certain pride and confidence attached to scraping by on almost nothing. There was adventure in the little projects I started, stoking the fire from a handful of dry grass and a spark, to a few pieces of kindling... and that's where I left off. I wanted to see it grow and grow, but now I have a job and I no longer have the time necessary to see my projects flourish.
A sensible person would smack me upside the head and say, "What is wrong with you? You're making more money now and you still have your evenings and weekends!" Well, that's not totally true. Work causes fatigue, which must be recovered from. This is why I have not been able to work at all on any of my projects, despite having been free for a couple of evenings now. I am spending all of my energy during the day as I work and I don't really enjoy the computer as much as I can anymore when I get home.
So, should I quit? Not unless I have to. I'm employed, which allows me to do things that I could not do while I was out of a job. This includes entertainment, restaurants, weekend travel (yes, I know I was just in EUROPE for 2 weeks, but that really drained the savings, was completely irrational, but was totally fun) and buying new clothes & gadgets. Oh yeah, and replenish the savings.
Someone out there must be thinking, "How can this guy even consider going without a job? Is he a trust fund baby or something?" No, I am not a trust fund baby. I do not have very much money to my name, but I do have loving parents who have offered me a room in their home for when times are tough. I have fought very hard to avoid ever having to accept that offer, but knowing it is there certainly does give me a little confidence when considering making a bold, irrational move. I realize that many people do not have this option. Sorry.
I believe I can make it on my own. If I had a little time to gather steam, I could merge with traffic and keep the pace. Now I feel like I'm in a carpool. For the immediate future, the carpool is the best choice - especially during a recession. Independent entreprenuers have far fewer opportunities to catch on with their ideas in times when money is tight all around. At least, that's what logic dictates. Still, I can't help feeling that I am missing out on a lot of personal growth and adventure by simply taking this desk job.
I tell myself that it will be different once things start to pick up. Or at the very soonest, when this company goes under.
2 nibbles: